Comments on: Sleep issues with young child

By: Avivah

Avivah — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 15:17:37 +0000

Welcome, Mariela! I will be”H answer all the above questions! It’s just my lack of computer access that is limiting me - I need more time that I’m alloted on the library computer where I’m checking in until mine is back at home.

By: Mariela Broome

Mariela Broome — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 04:56:08 +0000

Hi Aviva, this is my first article that I read about all this sleeping thing, my Husband always talks about you and has you as “the home school MOM”. I have 6 children ages 9 to 8 month, even I DO agree that sleeping is the master key for good behave children I don’t remember getting any yet (but the kids seems to do ok). There is always something, a bad dream, and accident on the bed, a sick child or more than one, nursing baby or run to the bathroom because of the pregnancy, etc..

At the beginning I got angry (it’s not fair) but now I see that the days keep on going and I keep on going, that Hashem some how keeps me strong. There is something wrong with this picture?

I don’t have any family close by for help (I’m from Argentina) no money for babysitting, we are homeschooling our kids, my husband is my only help and he needs help for himself.

How do you do it Aviva? Is there any secret to know? Do you get any can of help? Is money an issue?

I totally agree with my husband that a strong rutine is very important, is there anything else we should know?

I really appreciate your help. Shana Tova!

Mariela Broome

By: Dina

Dina — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 13:42:05 +0000

well, I would be really interested to hear from you Avivah, as well, on all the issues Shira mentioned. Shira, you sound like you could be me. I can relate to everything you mentioned, including being quite short and never imagining being able to put a baby into a pack and play and not have them completely awaken. Neither my three year-old or my 16 month old has ever slept in a crib or a pack and play and that has made life a challenge. They both have have slept (since we stop co-sleeping in my bed) on a low mattress on the floor. It’s the only way I could transfer without waking them. Sleep for me has been hands down the hardest thing about having children and I feel so silly about this, but it has consumed a lot of my time and effort for the past three and a half years. Thank G-d, my son has become a much better sleep, but the road to getting here was rough. With nightmares, teething, taking to beathroom in the middle of the night, illnesses, etc., with so many kids, K”H, Avivah, I cannot imagine how you get any sleep, since with two I barely seem to.

By: mamamoomoo

mamamoomoo — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 10:00:53 +0000

shira, my pack-n-play has a bassinet insert- so i only have to reach down 10 inches or so to put down my baby…

By: Avivah

Avivah — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 05:32:29 +0000

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, Shira, and welcome! Since it’s a big topic, I’ll try to answer your questions in a post - I didn’t really write comprehensively on teaching kids to sleep on their own, and I don’t think I can write a post that can be comprehensive enough. But at least I’ll try to answer your questions!

By: Shira

Shira — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 03:48:00 +0000

Hi,
I really liked what you wrote about sleep, and found it really hit home in some ways, and yet you were very sensitive to how a parent who is APing feels about the issues around children and sleep. Thanks for writing with such balance and sensitivity.
On a practical level, I’m still very unclear about the reality of my own family, compared to what you’ve described. My daughter, now 3yo, from the get-go, never slept more than 5 minutes alone away from a body. She only ever nursed to sleep, even in the beginning. As she got older, she slowly started sleeping a bit better. But she could hear me turning the page of a book two rooms away with the doors closed when she was napping. I’m not sure what would have worked to change her sleep habits, but I’m fairly certain that what you described wouldn’t have worked for her. For her, cutting out her nap time around 3YO actually worked really well. It brought her bedtime earlier (from midnight-ish) to 6-7PM, for some reason. We actively keep her awake during the late afternoon when she seems drowsy. Its just what works for us now. But I really can’t wrap my mind around what I could have done to help her sleep.

My son, 7mo, is a different story. He seems more amenable to sleep, with some exceptions sometimes. But still, he wakes as soon as a person puts him down, no matter how drowsy of a state he was in. And he wakes in the night not because of my movements or noise (I’m not even in the room with him in the early evening and he wakes up every 20-30 minutes then). Our bed has no springs and motion can’t really transfer. He really does wake up on his own, for his own reasons. I don’t know why. How do you put them down into a pack and play without them waking? I can barely reach down into one, let alone gently deposit a sleeping baby (I’m very short).

Oh, and I’m curious how you arrange naps around your other kids outings? You have older kids, so maybe they stay home and babysit, or take the younger kids to their activities… I don’t know. I guess, for example, I’ve signed my 3yo up for classes at the community center. I don’t see how I could arrange to take her to any classes if I worked around nap times, so I just bring the baby with, and if he sleeps, he sleeps, if not, he’s a wee bit cranky. What do other parents do about this?

This is extremely long. Perhaps I should have posted it on the Jewish AP board, lol. Let me know if I should post it there instead.

Thanks! Shira

By: Chana

Chana — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 03:30:56 +0000

this is the most sane opinion on sleep I have ever read, thank-you!

By: Avivah

Avivah — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 22:33:13 +0000

>>if I understand correctly, the babies are waking up b/c of the parents movements when they co-sleep in the same bed, but not in the same room? < < Yes, the baby literally feels me (not just hear me) when I shift my position.

>>If you nurse your baby when they wake in the middle of the night, how is it that you avoid this becoming a habit?< < It's only once a night and they grow out of it naturally.

>>Is it a difficult transition when you move them from your room? do they stay in the pack and play or do you move them to something else?< < It's not generally a big deal when I move them. They stay in the same pack and play but in a different room. In this house, the baby naps during the day in the same room that he'll be moved to later on for the night - he only sleeps in my room during the night because it's on the top floor and I wouldn't hear him wake up if he slept there during the day.

>>I’m not sure that the co-sleeping is always the culprit in poorly sleeping children.< < No, I wouldn't say that it is. It's a factor, though. For the record, I'm not against co-sleeping at all, but I was sharing that I don't do it in the most literal sense.

>>Aviva, if you co-sleep (in the same bed) until your kids are 6-8 weeks old, how do you teach your kids to learn to fall asleep on their own and not just via nursing?<< I don’t mind nursing them until they sleep, but there are enough times in the day that I don’t when I make it a point to put them down when they are very, very drowsy but not fully asleep. They wake up a little when they’re put down but because they’re so mellow and ready for sleep, they fall asleep on their own within a couple of minutes. So they learn to fall asleep on their own pretty early on.

LN - good point about fresh air.

By: LN

LN — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 13:26:16 +0000

I do the pack n play next to my bed as well, but I still think they hear my movements…and even if they sleep better the first few months, I’ve found they wake up more frequently as they’re older and hit separation anxiety age. It could be because I’m working, and at around 11-12 months I found my babies needed to snuggle with me for a couple of weeks in the middle of the night, even if they weren’t hungry for their EMOTIONAL needs. I try to move them out at a year or so as well when I know they don’t need to be eating in the middle of the night. I think this is key in sleep advice — knowing each family is different. I KNOW my babies needed me but they also didn’t have the same closeness during the day as other children are lucky enough to have with their mothers…
But all this has nothing to do with putting a toddler/preschooler to sleep. I can’t agree more with the sleep begets sleep idea. I also found that getting enough fresh air during the day made my kids easier to wind down for bed time; winter time was much harder with my first till I noticed this pattern, and now I make sure to take them out even if it’s freezing cold.

By: mamamoomoo

mamamoomoo — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 09:04:16 +0000

Aviva, if you co-sleep (in the same bed) until your kids are 6-8 weeks old, how do you teach your kids to learn to fall asleep on their own and not just via nursing? My older son co-slept with me till a year, and ONLY knew how to fall asleep from nursing, and would wake every 40 minutes and need to nurse to get back to sleep.
I decided that with my new son I would not let him sleep in my bed at all, not even in the first few weeks, because i want him to learn to fall asleep on his own, so he’s in the pack-n-play right next to me, 6 inches away.